Barbara Judging and Being Judged

On Monday morning everyone at Kimberly Elementary would be wearing burgundy penny loafers. At K.E it would be so unanimous it wouldn’t matter much. But I was in eighth grade, David in the ninth and Stewart in the tenth – and we went to Mortimer Jordan High School, where it would matter. It would matter a lot! On Monday, all the poor students would be wearing identical burgundy penny loaders. We might as well wear sandwich boards that read, “I’m Poor.” The shoes would say out loud what had been just touched on before, separating us as if we had lice.

This scene really struck me because it exemplifies the complicated dynamics of class in Change Me into Zeus’s Daughter. From the very beginning Barbara’s family is not well off, when their father leaves they almost starve but it always seems like they are still content. It is only when others judge there condition that Barbara seems to be affected and realize the position her family is in. In this scene she doesn’t mind receiving charity, it is only when she realizes that others will know of their circumstances that she begins to cry. It is incredibly unnerving that her opinions of her circumstances are so dependent on what others think. I saw this as stemming from her father’s strict refusal to accept charity and her mother’s pride and hiding of their circumstances. In one of the first scenes we see her mother accepting help but only because the neighbor does not know that they really need the help.  Mother didn’t tell Mamie that Dad was gone, that we had nothing to eat, no money to buy anything (27). Her mother has so much pride that she doesn’t tell of their predicament even if it would mean more help. Barbara picks up on this pride and is embarrassed when the neighbors judge their father’s 3am ritual. But unlike her mother she judges them right back, “No, they’d wait for the light of day, to complain to us; with sneering faces they’d demand that we stop him from waking them, demand that we stop him from using foul language, demand that we stop him from ruining the neighborhood with his drunkenness—as if we had that power” (102-103).  She finds their ability to stand by while everything happens terrible. She comments that they sneer and then expect the children to have the power to stop their father when in reality they would probably be able to help if they only tried. Unlike her father who will not even allow his family to accept charity, even if it means them going without food or clothing, she believes that though people will judge they are more worth being judged because they could actually do something and choose not to.

Barbara is not always happy with their circumstances but her and her siblings seem to make the best of every situation they are in. They run and play in the sewer pipes when they live in the city and they are happy sitting around drinking RC Cola and sharing it as long as they are together. Even when they move to Kimberly and things look even bleaker the go and play in the woods looking at the old stripped cars. Barbara’s family is even the ‘lucky’ ones in their neighborhood and she takes pride in this ‘So Mother became the community nurse, protector and tutor. To these kids, we were unique, special. Our mother didn’t drink, she didn’t run around, and she knew about art, music, poetry, and plays’ (138). And when their neighbors stare she stares right back challenging them to judge their family, when everyone has problems. She may be embarrassed in some ways by the problems her family has but she also knows that they have times when they are happy and that it is not her or her siblings fault that their father is the way he is. She also punishes others for judging their family, especially in the case of her new shoes. She steals ice cream money because the boy chooses to expose her situation and she doesn’t find that to be fair. It is no one else’s business how their family lives and this is what outlines her problems with the brown penny loafers. Everyone will judge them even though they do not know the whole story, in her mind they have no right to judge and not help and even less right to purposely point out their predicament.